My Horoscope In "The Onion"

I was reading "The Onion" and this is what it had in my horoscope. I'm thinking I should start writing this blog.

"Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
Yours is a story rife with pathos, sacrifice, and sexual intrigue, so it's confusing to see how pathetic it all sounds when you finally write it down."

Most Men Like This Joke

A guy with a black eye boards a plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye too.
He says to him: "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes, mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The first guy answers: "Well, it just happened. It was a Freudian slip. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blond with the biggest breasts in the world was behind the counter. So, instead of saying I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh. She socked me one."
The other guy answers: "Mine was a Freudian slip too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties.'
But I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life, you fucking bitch'."

A Blog

What a useless thing.